Thursday, December 2, 2010

Pride

Proverbs 11:2: When pride comes, then comes disgrace.
I think I have lived this verse many, many times.  I'll take my pride into consideration before I speak a word that might cause someone to look at me differently.  So, mostly fear drives my pride to get bigger it seems.  I have a perfect example: My husband was training on the Ocoee River for the first time this past summer.  He had finished his training on the middle section of the river but still had a little bit of training left on the Upper section.  I am considered a senior guide because I have been guiding on the river since 2003.  So, on this particular day, I was given a Full River trip that included guiding both the Upper and the Middle.  Bill and Stephanie, both rookie guides, were going to ghost-guide my trip.  Which meant that they would guide for me while I was in the raft.  So, Bill was to guide the Upper section since he had a little more training to do on that section.  When we got to the Upper put-in, I thought to myself that I might need to tell Bill about the beginning and how you must enter at a particular angle to avoid the rocks downstream.  Instead, I got fearful.  I feared that Bill might think I was being bossy and a know-it-all especially since I am his wife.  I didn't want to appear demeaning.  So, I gave in to my fear and didn't say anything even though I had pride in my rafting capabilities and knew what I was talking about because of my guiding experience.  However, I was protecting my own pride by not saying anything at all.  I wanted Bill to think I was wonderful because I didn't tell him what to do.  To make a long story short, we hit those rocks and flipped our entire raft.  Everyone was okay, but we were all shaken up.  Especially me.  I had spent so much time protecting my own Pride when in reality it was only driven by fear. 
I was disgraced by my Pride that I let it keep me from speaking up. I had trusted in myself that I was making the right decision, when I know that if I had taken a second to ask God what he wanted me to do, then I know He would have given me the strength to speak up.
He wants us to, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Thank the Lord for new beginnings!